Tag Archives: hunger

Eloi, Eloi lama sabachthani?

 My Lord, where hast thou gone? Why hast thou hidden thy face from your broken servant? Hast thou called the heavens to block thy view from my tears? Have thou sent the winds to shield thy ears from the crying of this broken man before thee? My empty shell wanders to and fro among the earth, looking for respite from thy mighty hand. Oh Lord, my friend, where hast thou gone where I may find thee? Shall you never to answer my prayers again? Shall I be counted amongst the hopeless and lie among the dead? Where hast thou gone my beloved keeper?

The ravens fly over my head awaiting my demise; vultures wait to pick whatever remains from my soul. Will thou always be turned from my groaning? Shall my begging go unnoticed from my fellow man? Where art thou oh Lord of Hosts? Remove my sins from thy sight and restore life to my bones, have I been forgotten and stricken from thy book? Will I find refuge in cracked wineskins, or love in the arms of women?

Even the tips of my fingers ache and my feet are swollen because of my wandering. Where hast thou gone oh King of Kings? Thunder cracks and lightning shoots forth from your temple, will you not cover me in thy wings? Have I gone out from the protection of thy mercy? Are my sins to great for even you oh Lord? My spirit is crushed because of the iniquity before thee. How could thee forget thy servant? This hollow, wretched creature thy hands have made sits in stupor, and bewitched with questions too great for my own understanding. Have thou left me here in the wilderness to rot like a carcass? Heavens no!

Come to me, oh my Rock, leave me not in gloom among the dead. If thou would only grace me with thou holy finger and restore my life who would not praise you ever more? In need I come to thee, in despair I lift my eyes towards Your holy hill. My mouth has whispered wicked things; Your servant has hardened his heart in front of thy face and forgotten thee.

Like kings before me, I have forgotten the graciousness of thy arms, my head is filled with the ramblings of anarchy, my heart, full of deceit! Where hast thou gone Lord of Lords? Will thou hands stay forever over thy ears, to block out the pleadings of Your poor servant? Have I nothing left to offer thee? Cast me not into the gutters, bring me close to thy heart, and leave me not to be the scorn of my neighbors!

Who am I to approach thee with such requests? Your servant has traveled far and wide and is in need of thy merciful touch. Fill me with thy Spirit, when You look down upon the children of men, remember me, help thy pitiful creature to stand tall among giants, fill me with courage, hold me close to thee once again so I may remember what it is like to be filled with joy.

Where art thou oh Savior and who is like You? When rain crashes my dwelling place and robbers come against me, how shall I stand if thou would forget me? My tongue is burnt from the hell I spread, my mind is scorched with grief and my throat is raw from crying out to thee in the dark of night.

When I walk in the daylight, my neighbors point and stare, they hiss and laugh and forget the goodness thou hast bestowed upon them. I curse myself and hide in the hills, far from the sight of man. This place in which thou delivered me, shall I be left here like an orphan and remain alone? Where art thou Creator and where am I to go for help in my time of need? Who could deliver me from wretched poverty and agonizing loneliness except thee? Oh wretched man that I am! Who can save me from this body of death? Forget me not, oh Redeemer, come to my aid swiftly and bring thy torch to light my path once again. Eloi, Eloi lama sabachthani?

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Grilled cheese Melt-down.

I suppose it could happen to anybody. It was an honest mistake. When I think back on some of the positions I’ve held in various companies and sweatshops, there may or may not have been some instances where I forgot to do something I should have. When I was eighteen I neglected to set the breaks on a three-hundred-pound lawnmower.  The damn thing took off on its’ own, jumped a curb, and for good measure slammed into my new 87’ Camaro before I had a chance to catch up with it. It wouldn’t have been a big deal if my co-workers weren’t watching along with a potential client. A few years later I left a hammer on top of a ladder before going to eat and when I returned to take the ladder down, the hammer promptly fell and cracked the imported Italian marble tiles. I was politely given the boot the following evening. One time I just plain old forgot to go to work. Probably would have slipped under the radar if it had it not been Memorial Day. I will leave it up to you to figure out what happened next.

We ordered take-out for lunch today. When it arrived we opened the bag unleashing a delicious aroma of roast beef, panini bread and melted cheeses. After ruffling around the sack and handing out the goodies to everyone I upended the cursed bag to see if mine had made its’ way out of the delicatessen. Turned out the guy left my Ultimate Grilled Cheese sandwich on the grill…Hunger is a fickle thing. Makes you do things you would normally avoid doing and causes all sorts of inner turmoil. It starts in the gut, slowly snaking its’ way up the spine and into the backs of your eyeballs and drops down into your stomach at the speed of sound sending rippling hunger pangs to the tips of your toes. This sounds dramatic but we all know what the hunger monkeys can accomplish if the appetite is not properly taken care of.

When everyone was enjoying the delectable feast I was walking around trying to appear calm. But I wanted answers. I demanded to know the meaning for such deception. I moaned and groaned on the inside and snapped at people. Sorry about that guys. Turns out I still have character flaws to rectify. An hour later the guy returned with my meal and we parted in peace with no bloodshed. Three hours later I felt foolish. There are millions of hungry people in this country who won’t be eating today. While I am looking for heads to roll over bread and what is essentially mold, kids are crying because their little bellies ache from starvation. When I stopped to think about it I felt shame. After remembering the ice cold refrigerator I had at home and all the contents within I stopped to say a quick prayer of gratitude because in the grand scheme of things I won’t die if I were to skip a meal. I won’t collapse if an ice cold caramel macchiato doesn’t quench my thirst. But someone will die from lack of water tonight. Someone will succumb to poverty, fall victim to famine. The next time I feel the beast begin to stir I shall restrain it with the knowledge of how fortunate I really am.